


You are the reason (I wake up everyday)

by sunsethue



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-12
Updated: 2018-06-12
Packaged: 2019-05-21 07:49:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14911313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunsethue/pseuds/sunsethue
Summary: Chanyeol falls in love the first time he meets Kyungsoo. He spends four years of his life trying to win his heart.





	You are the reason (I wake up everyday)

**Author's Note:**

> Originally written for Prompt 103 for Takostation 2016.

July 2011

 

On the day Park Chanyeol first met Do Kyungsoo, his life changed in more ways than one.

Chanyeol’s only purpose for being in the university auditorium that day was to give support to his best friend, Baekhyun, who was auditioning for the theater club.

The venue was a bit chaotic and there were many students piling in because the club is quite well-known in their school.

Chanyeol sat in the last row of balcony seats after giving a fighting sign to Baekhyun.

He observes the wide array of people and one person particularly catches his eyes.

The boy was wearing a plain white shirt and black pants. He was seated in the fourth row from the stage, right on the middle aisle, and holding a blue paper like all other people auditioning. His black hair was looked thick and nice, a perfect contrast to his pale skin that was glowing. Chanyeol was a bit far but even from distance he was captivated by the boy’s heart-shaped lips and pretty face. But what really caught Chanyeol’s attention was how he was seriously writing on his paper. The way he scrunches his face and pouts his lips was so cute that Chanyeol can’t help but smile.

Chanyeol didn’t realize how much he was staring until another boy approached him and waved in front of him.

“Hi! Are you here to audition too?” the boy asks. Chanyeol stares at him, surprised because the boy is very handsome too. He internally asks himself why everyone in the theater club is good-looking.

“Ah, no. I’m just here to give moral support to a friend. Is it okay to stay here?” he asks.

“Oh. It’s okay, don’t worry. Performing in front of an audience is part of the requirement to pass the audition anyway. But, do you not want to join your friend too?”

“I’m not… I don’t really know how to act and I kind of have stage fright,” Chanyeol says, laughing a bit.

“There are other areas you can try out for. We’re not only recruiting for actors here. There people in the production team, the technical team, and the creative team. If you write screenplays or compose music, we also recruit for those departments.”

Chanyeol’s interest peaks when he heard about music composition. It’s one of his interests but his parents forced him to take a more practical course like Business Management.

Baekhyun saunters to side while he contemplates taking the blue audition paper from the handsome boy. “Are you auditioning now too, Chanyeol? That’s great! We’ve never done any club activity separately and I was really hoping you’d join here too,” Baekhyun says, then looking at the boy beside them. “Though, I am not yet officially a member,” his best friend adds sheepishly.

The handsome boy laughs. “You guys don’t have to worry too much. Of course it’s important to always give your best but we count effort and willingness to learn in our criteria for new members.”

Chanyeol nods and takes the paper from him. He takes a glance at the cute boy he saw earlier and sees him happily chatting with another boy now. He was smiling widely and Chanyeol can feel his heart race faster.

Baekhyun pats his shoulder and ushers him to move closer to the stage now that he’s officially auditioning too.

His friend talks his ears off and that’s when he realized that Baekhyun is really feeling nervous. Since getting in the theater club means more to Baekhyun, Chanyeol decides to be a better friend and distract him from over thinking by boosting his ego. They’ve been friends since high school so Chanyeol knows Baekhyun best. But that doesn’t stop Chanyeol from stealing glances at the boy who caught his attention earlier.

 

August 2011

 

As expected, Baekhyun passed the audition.

The cute boy – Chanyeol later learned that his name is Kyungsoo – also passed. Both of them made it to the actors’ guild and Chanyeol is a bit ecstatic because maybe he can find out more about Kyungsoo through Baekhyun.

Chanyeol made it too, after submitting his portfolio and jamming with the music team of the theater club.

The handsome boy who gave him the form turned out to be the president of the club, Kim Junmyeon. “The goal of the club is not just to stage good productions and musicals annually. What we really want is for the club members to enhance their talents and learn new skills at the same time. So we encourage everyone to take interest in the other teams too. Learning how each team functions will help the synergy of the shows we produce,” Junmyeon said when he welcomed the new members a few weeks ago.

Chanyeol liked the idea that Junmyeon talked about. He won’t probably venture to the actors’ guild but he’s learning about the lights and sounds now too.

“Ugh,” Baekhyun utters, distracting him. “Why are these freshmen so handsome,” he whispers.

“Who?” Chanyeol asks. Baekhyun points his mouth to the front. “Kyungsoo and Jongin. They’re joined in the hip all the time too; the visual explosion is not good for my heart.”

Chanyeol raises his eyebrow. “You’re being weird now, Baek. You sound like a pervy grandpa drooling on children.”

“Hey, take that back. I’m just appreciating beauty. Don’t you find them gorgeous?”

Chanyeol stares at the duo again. Of the 80 successful applicants to the club, the two freshmen definitely stood out. Chanyeol gives Kyungsoo extra points in his mind for being just his type.

“I personally like Kyungsoo better. He looks warmer. Jongin looks a bit aloof. He only smiles at Kyungsoo,” Baekhyun says, shattering Chanyeol’s heart just a bit. It’s not a new thing between them.

Chanyeol and Baekhyun's taste in things often overlap – in music, in hobbies, in favorite television shows, even in favorite food. That’s what makes them good friends. Sometimes, their crushes overlap too. It has never reached the point where they date the same people though, because they value their friendship more than competing for one person. Now that Baekhyun has shared his interest over Kyungsoo, Chanyeol thinks he’s just going to end up like one of those many crushes he had in the past – someone they appreciated from a far and never pursued.

“Yeah, Kyungsoo’s good looking,” Chanyeol says. “Focus Baek, you didn’t join the theater club to look for prospective boyfriends. You said auditioning here was for your craft or something,” he adds.

“You’re right. I can’t be distracted. But I should still try to befriend Kyungsoo and Jongin since we belong to the same guild.”

 

September 2011

 

“Hi, you’re Chanyeol right?” a lovely voice spoke up, making Chanyeol look up from the essay he was writing. It’s due tonight so he’s spending his two-hour break in the library, slaving on it.

He was surprised to see Kyungsoo standing in front of him, smiling. He was speechless for a few seconds, having never spoken personally to his crush before.

“You’re a friend of Baekhyun right?” the younger boy says. “We’re from the same club, but I’m afraid we haven’t been properly introduced yet. I’m Kyungsoo.”

"I know,” Chanyeol sputters. “I mean, I know you. Baekhyun talks about you a lot,” he adds, trying to save himself from embarrassment.

“Really?” Kyungsoo says, quirking his eyebrow upwards just a bit. Chanyeol finds this so cute.

“I didn’t know Baekhyun and I managed to get close enough for him to talk about me.”

“Oh you know Baekhyun, he talks too much all the time,” Chanyeol says.

Kyungsoo laughs. “Yeah, he talks a lot about you too.”

Chanyeol gulps. “I hope he only said good things.”

“I think yes, because I only remember good things.” Chanyeol feels his smile growing wider. He owes Baekhyun a meal.

“So,” Kyungsoo says, “is it okay to share a table with you? Everywhere else is full and I can’t study anywhere else.”

“Sure,” Chanyeol replies in a hurry.

Kyungsoo smiles at him and takes a seat in front of him. Chanyeol tries to continue his essay but he can’t help but be conscious of Kyungsoo’s presence near him. He knows subtlety is something he can’t master but he steals a few glances on the boy in front of him every now and then. Kyungsoo has a few history books out and a large notebook where he scribbles every now and then.

“Are you a History major?” Chanyeol asks.

“Ah, no,” Kyungsoo says. “I only took extra elective history courses. I enjoy this more than the other options. I’m actually a Fine Arts student.”

“Wow, you really are impressive.”

Kyungsoo laughs. “I never thought I’d ever get complimented for loving history. Thanks, I guess.”

Nice one Park, Chanyeol tells himself as he drowns himself in the sound of Kyungsoo’s adorable laugh.

 

The sound remains a beautiful memory to him that he still remembers it vividly three days later when Baekhyun crashes into his room.

“Kyungsoo was looking for you today at the club meeting,” Baekhyun says, trying to sound nonchalant but Chanyeol can recognize the tone of dying curiosity.

“I told him you were doing some school stuff. Then he asked me if you are still working on your essays. I didn’t know you were that close with him.” Baekhyun adds a raised eyebrow and Chanyeol can’t help but shake his head.

“We sat together in the library a few days,” he says, trying to make it sound like it’s not a big deal.

“And you didn’t tell me this because?” Baekhyun asks.

“It’s not a big deal,” Chanyeol replies. “Oh no, no, Chanyeol. If it’s not a big deal, you would’ve immediately told me about it. Seems like you really like Kyungsoo?” Baekhyun says, smirking.

Chanyeol sighs. “I do think I have a huge crush on him. I can’t help it. Even you are smitten by him. Will this be a problem?”

Baekhyun looks completely shocked. “What? Why? And I’m not that smitten with him. He seems like a potentially nice friend but that’s it. Were you worried about that?”

Chanyeol did not know how to reply because he’s slowly starting to realize how stupid it was of him to keep this a secret from Baekhyun. So he opted to give him a slow nod.

“Ah, our giant has a crush! I can’t wait to tell Jongdae!” Baekhyun says, laughing loudly. Chanyeol knows he won’t be able to escape all the teasing from his two best friends but it feels nice to have more people know that he really likes Do Kyungsoo.

 

November 2011

 

The theater club produces one original screenplay and one musical play every year.

After participating in the screenplay written by the club’s vice president last month, Chanyeol and Baekhyun ended up being good friends with everyone and even recruited their other friend, Jongdae, to it.

Chanyeol’s circle of friends definitely grew bigger and he became more invested to the club. Now, it’s not something he’s just doing to fulfill an extra-curricular activity or something they do to kill time. It became a venue to exercise their passion and creativity, something Chanyeol yearned for his whole life.

His friendship with Kyungsoo is definitely the cherry on top over everything. Chanyeol continued to nurse a crush on Kyungsoo.

Sometimes he feels guilty because Kyungsoo genuinely treats him like a friend. But it’s difficult for Chanyeol not to be attracted to the younger boy. Kyungsoo’s not only attractive, he was also very kind, polite, smart, and when he sings, Chanyeol’s world stops spinning.

 

On his 19th birthday, Baekhyun and Jongdae threw him a simple party in their shared apartment and their friends from the theater club attended, except Kyungsoo.

Chanyeol tried not to feel too disappointed but it’s supposed to be his first birthday with Kyungsoo in his life and he really just wanted to see him too.

They have conflicting class schedules so even if they live in the same part in the campus; it’s difficult to see him outside the crowd of their club members.

So he was a bit bummed when Jongin told him Kyungsoo won’t make it because he has last minute class requirements to complete.

He wants to see Kyungsoo on this special day but there’s really nothing he can do.

The party dwindled at past 9 in the evening and by 10 p.m., all the guests have piled out already, leaving the three friends to clean their apartment.

Half an hour later, the doorbell rings.

“It’s probably Junmyeon hyung,” Baekhyun says, yawning. “He left his book on the sofa.”

But it’s not Junmyeon.

“Hi,” Kyungsoo greets Chanyeol with a bright smile when he opened the door. He’s wearing a fluffy, red scarf that matches his reddish cheeks. Chanyeol has always loved winter because he was born in this season but just tonight he hates it because Kyungsoo looks really cold now.

“Happy Birthday! Sorry I’m late,” Kyungsoo says again, his heart-shaped smile not faltering.

“Kyungsoo!” Chanyeol exclaims, then “come in!” when he realized he’s making his crush wait outside in the cold for too long.

Chanyeol helps Kyungsoo with his coat and scarf as the younger boy greets Baekhyun and Jongdae.

“I guess I’m late to the party,” Kyungsoo says. “I just really wanted to personally greet Chanyeol a happy birthday too.”

“Thanks,” Chanyeol says, trying his best to not freak out. “It’s very sweet… I mean nice of you. And you’re not late, everyone just left early.”

Kyungsoo laughs and Chanyeol falls for him even more.

 

And so, Chanyeol will never forget his 19th birthday – the one he spent hanging out with Kyungsoo all night eating leftover cake, pasta, and cola since Baekhyun and Jongdae retired to their rooms, minutes after Kyungsoo arrived because they got very tired from planning his party.

Kyungsoo apologized again for being late, talking about the last minute plates he had to finish. Being a Fine Arts student, Kyungsoo has more take home requirements than Chanyeol.

“Hey look,” Kyungsoo says, pointing to the wall clock in their kitchen that currently shows its 1 a.m. already, “it’s not your birthday anymore. I’m sorry you had to spend the last hours of your special day with me.”

Chanyeol shakes his head furiously and says, “No! I am very happy right now. This is really the best birthday ever.” Chanyeol knows he’s smiling too much – that smile that Baekhyun calls as borderline creepy – but he can’t help it. He’s really happy right now because of Kyungsoo.

 

January 2012

 

Baekhyun wants to do something special for Jongin and Kyungsoo whose birthdays are just a day apart so they organized a surprise party after their rehearsals.

They were staging “A Midsummer Night’s Dream” in two months so everyone is extremely busy these days. Chanyeol had no significant opinions about this play before but he thinks Kyungsoo makes Lysander his favorite character now.

But Chanyeol wants to do something extra special for Kyungsoo alone. The problem is he doesn’t know what to give him and how to make it not obvious.

The surprise event was successful, even if it was just balloons and huge cake with Jongin and Kyungsoo’s faces.

“Kyungsoo,” Chanyeol says as he moves next to the birthday boy while everyone was busy slicing the cake.

Kyungsoo looks into his direction, waiting for him to say something.

But Chanyeol is suddenly loss on what to say.

“Kyungsoo. Do Kyungsoo,” Chanyeol repeats.

“What do you want Chanyeol?” Kyungsoo says, suppressing a smile.

“Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo.”

“Okay, this is not funny anymore,” Kyungsoo says, pouting. Chanyeol laughs. He lightly pats Kyungsoo on his head because he can’t resist how cute he looked.

“Happy Birthday,” Chanyeol says, lightly pushing a wrapped gift to his hand.

“Oh! You got me a gift?” Kyungsoo says. “Can I open it now?”

“Sure,” Chanyeol says.

“You got me a cook book,” Kyungsoo says, laughing.

“You said you were learning to cook,” he replies with a shrug. Kyungsoo smirks.

“I can read your real intention here, Park Chanyeol.”

“What… what do you mean?” “Don’t look too nervous. I know your gift means you want free food.”

Chanyeol breathes out then nervously laughs. “Yeah, you definitely need to cook for me someday,” he says.

Kyungsoo nods and flashes him his heart-shaped smile. “Of course, someday.”

 

April 2012

 

Chanyeol never remembers dates easily, regardless of their importance. Sometimes he even forgets his parents’ birthdays. But one date he always remembers is April 18, 2012.

That day was the last run of A Midsummer Night’s and, though he only worked behind the scenes, Chanyeol witnessed the extra pressure the actors had to go through learning their lines, songs, and choreography.

The ecstatic feeling of completing a musical is infectious and maybe Chanyeol is not thinking clearly that night because his first impulse is to seek Kyungsoo at the back stage right after curtain call.

He blames the same delighted “after-the-show” high when he enveloped Kyungsoo into a hug the second he saw him. For a split second, Kyungsoo did not return the hug immediately. Many years later he told him he was just surprised so he wasn’t able to react fast. But when he recovered, he hugged Chanyeol back.

Chanyeol will never forget that moment. It was their first hug. So what if it was a very platonic hug that all colleagues and friends can do? So what if it lasted for merely 15 seconds? (Yes, Chanyeol was counting.) Chanyeol will always remember how Kyungsoo felt in his arms. He will always remember how warm Kyungsoo felt, how fast his heart raced because of this boy he had been pining over for months now.

“You were so great! Congratulations on the successful show, Soo,” Chanyeol whispers while he hugged Kyungsoo.

“Thanks, Chanyeol,” Kyungsoo replies as soon as they let go of the hug. “You worked hard too. Congratulations to us.”

Chanyeol didn’t know how to respond, the awkwardness suddenly catching up to him.

“Yah, Chanyeol, come here and give Puck some hugs too,” Baekhyun shouts from behind them, ruining their moment but saving him from the awkwardness.

 

May 2012

 

Chanyeol thought he’d see less of Kyungsoo now that they already wrapped up their production. They’re not set to stage anything else until the next school year.

But somehow, the people from the theater remained a constant part of Chanyeol’s life even outside club activities – including Kyungsoo.

One hobby they developed together is playing at the coffee shop near their university owned by Jongin’s sister. They first got into these gigs when they were raising additional funds for their musical because the budget allocated to them by the university was not enough.

But the music team enjoyed playing as a band too much and soon the actors’ guild joined them too.

Now, the members who are free would usually meet on weekends and play together.

“Hey Chanyeol,” Kyungsoo says. “How about we sing something together?”

Chanyeol tenses a bit, but tries to not make it obvious.

He flashes Kyungsoo his most confident smile. “Sure, what do you want to sing?”

“Play anything you want,” Kyungsoo says, his heart-shaped smile not leaving his face.

Chanyeol didn’t have to think twice of what he wants to play for Kyungsoo.

He strums the first chords and Kyungsoo’s smile brightens.

“If I told you I was perfect I'll be lying,” Kyungsoo begins singing. Chanyeol smiles wider and fixes his gaze on Kyungsoo.

“If there's something

I'm not doing

girl I'm trying

I'm know I'm no angel

But I'm not so bad”

”No, no, no…”

Chanyeol keeps strumming and Kyungsoo nods at him, encouraging him to sing together with him.

Beautiful girls all over the world

I could be chasing,

but my time would be wasted

They got nothing on you, baby

Nothing on you, baby

Chanyeol thinks they sound really good together and everyone else in the café seems to agree with him. He keeps strumming his guitar as Kyungsoo continues to sing. The song is so perfect for Kyungsoo’s voice and so perfect for what Chanyeol feels for him.

Chanyeol had many crushes in his lifetime. Some did not last for a long time, some he ended up dating for a while. But he can’t remember having a crush on anyone this intense. Chanyeol thinks he has fallen in love, and he doesn’t know what to do about it.

 

July 2012

 

The new school year meant a new wave of members entering the theater club.

Among them is a freshman named Sehun who immediately latched on Jongin and by association ended up being friends with Chanyeol too.

Sehun is a nice kid, a bit of quiet, but a really good actor and he stood out the most from all those who auditioned in the actors’ guild. He shares a class with Jongin and they get along really well.

Chanyeol really likes Sehun too. Baekhyun, unfortunately, does not share the same sentiment. He doesn’t act rudely in front of Sehun. Instead, he settles on looking at him with angry eyes whenever they meet in the club room.

“I don’t understand, Baek. Sehun is really nice. What do you not like about him?” Chanyeol asks one afternoon when everyone got together for a club meeting.

“I don’t–not–like him, Chanyeol. I just can’t be bothered by him,” Baekhyun says. Chanyeol laughs.

“Is it because he’s close with Jongin?”

Baekhyun raises his eyebrow. “What does Jongin have to do with this?”

“As your best friend, I recognize your signs of jealousy at once. You and Jongin have been flirting heavily for months then suddenly a new guy enters and threatens it all,” Chanyeol says.

“I hate you so much, Park,” Baekhyun says. “And we were not flirting. According to Jongin, I was just being extra friendly. It’s either he’s too dense or he’s rejecting me but doesn’t know how.”

Chanyeol laughs. “I don’t think your usual ways will work with Jongin, Baek. If you really like him, you better confess soon. Someone might come and steal him away from you.”

“As if confessing is that easy. Let me see you try it first,” Baekhyun says smugly. “

What? I don’t like Jongin that way.”

“I meant Kyungsoo,” Baekhyun says. “When do you plan on courting Kyungsoo?”

Chanyeol gulps. “What? I don’t understand what you’re saying.”

“I know you like Kyungsoo. It’s not just the usual crush. I’m your best friend too Chanyeol, I can recognize the signs when you are smitten and in love.”

Chanyeol sighs, knowing he can’t lie to Baekhyun.

Baekhyun sighs in return and the two friends opted on watching their objects of interest on the opposite side of the room, absorbed in interacting with their newest friend.

 

September 2012

 

Baekhyun’s one sided cold war against Sehun lasted for a few months.

Unfortunately, it resulted to a sudden distance between him and Jongin too.

Chanyeol did not know how to help his friends and Jongdae is complaining that this rift from Jongin is making Baekhyun more annoying and depressing to be around.

“We need to fix this fast, Park Chanyeol,” he threatens after Baekhyun’s monologue the whole morning on why pancakes should never be paired with hot chocolate drinks.

In Chanyeol’s panic and fear of Jongdae’s wrath, he automatically called Kyungsoo.

This is the first time he ever called Kyungsoo on the phone and his heart raced the moment he heard Kyungsoo’s voice.

“Chanyeol?” Kyungsoo says.

“Uh, hi Kyungsoo,” Chanyeol says. “Are you busy? Is it okay to call?”

“No, I’m not busy. Is there any problem?”

“Ah, I’m just calling about Baekhyun and Jongin. I don’t know if you’ve noticed it but I think they had a misunderstanding of some sort? Well, I’m not sure about Jongin but Baekhyun is definitely affected by it.”

“I think Jongin is very much affected by it too. He hasn’t told me that exactly but he’s grumpier these days.” “

Do you think it’s time we, I don’t know, stage an intervention?” Kyungsoo laughs and even in the static sound of the mobile phone, it’s still Chanyeol’s favorite sound in the world.

“What do you suggest we do?” Kyungsoo asks.

 

The intervention was very crappy but Chanyeol thinks they can’t really expect a lot because they made him plan it.

“Still, trapping them in the dressing room of the auditorium is the most childish plan ever,” Jongdae says.

They were able to execute the plan successfully and are now waiting outside the door.

“They need to talk. They keep avoiding each other. So this is the best plan I can think off okay? If you had better ideas, you should’ve suggested it.”

“Tsk,” Jongdae says. “Fine. But I can’t wait with you guys here, I have a date with Minseok.”

“He’s the captain of the soccer team right? The one who helped us when we were raising funds by bringing the whole team to the café?” Kyungsoo asks.

“Yep, that handsome one,” Jongdae says. “And I have to leave now if I want to make it to our date on time.”

“Wait, you’re leaving me here with Kyungsoo?” Chanyeol says, slightly panicking.

“You don’t want to be alone with me?” Kyungsoo says cheekily.

“I don’t…” Chanyeol begins. “Just kidding. Of course it’s okay. I’m just worried if we’ll be able to handle breaking the fight between Jongin and Baekhyun if they decide to punch each other.”

“Are you insinuating I’m small? Because I’m pretty sure Baekhyun is just my height,” Kyungsoo says, pouting.

“Okay kids, I’m leaving you to your flirting now. Take care of the lovebirds,” Jongdae says before exiting the room.

An awkward silence surrounded Chanyeol and Kyungsoo for a few seconds before Jongin shouted from the other side of the room.

“I’m not the one Sehun likes, okay!”

“I don’t care who Sehun likes! I don’t care about who you like too!” Baekhyun shouts back. “Park Chanyeol, Kim Jongdae, Do Kyungsoo, I know you are all outside! Open this door now or I’m really fucking killing you all!”

Chanyeol panics, and opens the door.

Baekhyun storms out and Jongin does not follow him, his face looking more depressed than ever.

“So, who does Sehun like then?” Chanyeol asks a minute later, wanting to break the silence.

But Jongin doesn’t answer and walks out.

He looks at Kyungsoo and the boy merely shrugs. “Come on, let’s just eat,” he says, pulling Chanyeol by the hand and making him forget all about Sehun, Baekhyun and Jongin.

 

November 2012

 

November rolled in and Baekhyun and Jongin still haven’t made up. It’s not affecting their participation in the club but Chanyeol is worried that they are going to drift further apart if they don’t fix it fast. He still believes they just need to spend more time together, just the two of them, to fix their misunderstanding.

So on his birthday, Chanyeol organized a skiing trip. He and Kyungsoo pulled off the best friend card to force Baekhyun and Jongin to join.

The thing is, Baekhyun is terrible in skiing and Jongin loves it. “Jongin is very possessive. I don’t think he’ll be able to bear to watch other people teaching Baekhyun how to ski,” Kyungsoo says when Chanyeol told him of his plan.

The plan seemed to work because Jongin immediately jumped to Baekhyun’s rescue and by default stealing him away from the rest of group. They’ve been inseparable the whole time.

 

Chanyeol’s birthday ended in a good light, with some beer in their rented cabin. He’s surprised by how well Kyungsoo can drink and was the only one who could keep up with Minseok, who’s actually the best drinker among them.

“There’s so much you don’t know about me, birthday boy,” Kyungsoo jokes when he said it out loud, poking his cheeks.

Chanyeol’s a lightweight and he’s very drunk now so he thinks Kyungsoo is watching over him so fondly.

“That’s okay, I’m enjoying learning new things about it you everyday,” Chanyeol boldly replies, alcohol making his brain more fuzzy. “It’s okay if we go slow getting to know each other. I can wait for you my whole life.”

He somehow recognizes he’s making a bold confession while drunk but he can’t control his mouth. He hopes Kyungsoo is buzzed enough not to remember it anymore the next day.

 

December 2012

 

Chanyeol has been staring at his phone for an hour now. It’s Christmas Eve and he badly wants to call Kyungsoo. But he’s scared and the younger boy might be busy. Or he might find it weird.

They all went home for the holidays and Chanyeol was supposed to be out with his family now, celebrating the festivities. Instead, he’s locked away in his room and having an internal battle on whether to call Kyungsoo or not.

Then suddenly, his phone lit up.

Merry Christmas, Chanyeol.

The greeting was so simple but so sincere. It’s very Kyungsoo and Chanyeol can’t help but smile. Instead of replying through text, he finally dialed the number he’s been reciting in his head over and over again.

“Chanyeol,” Kyungsoo says, his lovely voice making his heart beat so fast.

“I got your message. Merry Christmas too, Kyungsoo,” he says.

Kyungsoo laughs. “I wasn’t expecting you to call.”

“Oh. Are you busy?”

“No! Actually, I’m feeling a bit bored. Christmas isn’t a big deal at home and my household has gone to sleep now. My body clock is not programmed to sleep this early.”

“Then we can stay up late together? Talking? If you want…” Chanyeol suggests. He can’t compose his sentences well because he’s feeling nervous.

“That would be lovely. But aren’t you busy now?”

“No, of course not. I would never be too busy for you,” Chanyeol whispers.

“What did you say? I didn’t hear you clearly.”

“Ah, I said I’m good now. Not busy,” Chanyeol says, smiling.

Two hours later when they finally say goodbye, Chanyeol realized his face slightly hurts because he was smiling the whole time.

 

January 2013

 

On Kyungsoo’s birthday in 2013, the younger boy ended up getting sick. Chanyeol visited him in his apartment to give him a gift --- an expensive sketchbook and a mixtape he made.

Chanyeol thinks the mixtape will be a dead giveaway of his real feelings but he can’t think of any better gift to give Kyungsoo.

But when Chanyeol arrived at his apartment, Kyungsoo was sleeping. His roommate, whose name he remembers based on Kyungsoo’s stories as Yixing, welcomes him.

Chanyeol brought some soup and medicine too but when he saw Kyungsoo sleeping soundly, he didn’t have the heart to wake him up.

After passing the meal to Yixing and leaving his gift at Kyungsoo’s bedside table, Chanyeol left.

It was when he got home that he realized he forgot to write his name on his gift. He should’ve left a letter too because technically, he hadn’t greeted Kyungsoo yet.

So instead, he decided to write a lengthy text message.

“Happy, happy birthday Kyungsoo! No cookbooks for you this year because you still owe me a personally cooked meal. I am grateful for our friendship and I think meeting you is one of the best thing that ever happened to me. You understand my heart right? Thanks to you, I’m always in HEAVEN!”

The last song in the mixtape is a song Chanyeol wrote entitled Heaven and he summoned all his courage to make this subtle confession.

 

February 2013

 

Chanyeol never liked Valentine’s Day. But Feb. 14, 2013 is probably one of the worse in his memory.

For one, it’s the day when Jongin and Baekhyun officially began dating.

The other reason is because Kyungsoo was on a country-side trip that whole week. He’s only arriving home the next day, which means there’s no one for Chanyeol to give chocolates to – not that Kyungsoo took the chocolate he gave him last year seriously.

Kyungsoo also hasn’t said anything about the gift Chanyeol gave him on his birthday. He replied to his text message with a thank you and a promise to cook for him soon.

When they meet three days later, everything was normal. Chanyeol found it weird and he wanted to ask what he thought of his gift but he doesn’t want to put Kyungsoo on the spot too. If Kyungsoo doesn’t want to mention it, Chanyeol can take that. After all, he just wanted to say what he honestly feels. There’s no need for Kyungsoo to reply or reciprocate his action.

The worst thing about this holiday is being the fifth wheel to Jongin and Baekhyun, Jongdae and Minseok.

“If only Kyungsoo was here, then Chanyeol won’t have to be the odd one out,” Jongdae says, teasing.

“It’s not like Chanyeol will ever be brave enough to ask Kyungsoo out anyway,” Baekhyun says.

“Chanyeol wants to ask Kyungsoo out?” Jongin asks.

Chanyeol throws Baekhyun a sharp look then shakes his head.

“It’s not like that…” he tries to explain.

“Does Kyungsoo even want to date? He’s always so busy with school and the club. I haven’t seen him interested in anyone,” Jongdae says, saving Chanyeol.

“Oh! Kyungsoo actually has a date today,” Jongin says.

Chanyeol freezes. But he tries not to panic. Maybe Jongin meant a date with his classmates since they are on a school trip together.

“But I can’t tell you who asked him out,” Jongin adds.

Baekhyun glanced at Chanyeol then at Jongin. “You’re keeping secrets from me?! On our first day?” he says.

“Hey babe, it’s not my secret to tell!” Jongin defends himself. Baekhyun glanced at Chanyeol again, to which he replied with a shaking of his head.

It’s not okay for Baekhyun and Jongin to fight over this. Besides, Jongin’s right. If Kyungsoo wanted to keep this a secret, then they shouldn’t talk about it.

Chanyeol never liked Valentine’s Day. But this year, it’s just a thousand times worse.

 

June 2013

 

It’s been four months and Chanyeol still has no idea who was Kyungsoo’s date last Valentine’s Day. But at least he knows now why Kyungsoo did not say anything about his mixtape.

“Hey Chanyeol, are you okay?” Kyungsoo asks, waving at him. They were all gathered in the auditorium, preparing for their new production.

Chanyeol tries to force a smile and nod. He’s been doing this too often for months now – acting he’s okay in front of Kyungsoo and suppressing the pain from his breaking heart. He doesn’t want to be too dramatic and he doesn’t want to distance himself from Kyungsoo. He’d rather stay as his friend than completely lose him.

“Chanyeol’s been spacey these days,” Junmyeon says. “Is there anything bothering you?”

“It’s probably a heart problem,” Seohyun says.

Chanyeol laughs. “Am I that obvious?”

“Oh, so it is a love problem? I didn’t know you were dating anyone,” Seulgi says. Chanyeol kind of wish Baekhyun and Jongdae are here and not busy with their exams so they can save him from all the interrogation. Or that the members of the music department would hurry up and start their rehearsals so he can avoid answering.

He looks at everyone’s expecting faces. When he saw Kyungsoo looking at him with a smile, he lets out a sigh and says, “I’m not dating anyone. It’s just… someone I like.”

But his answer seems to make everyone more curious. Good thing Jonghyun arrived that exact time and asked Chanyeol to set up the instruments.

 

A few days later, Kyungsoo asked him again about the person he likes and if he was able to sort his problem already. Chanyeol merely shook his head and offered a smile. “I wish you good luck then. You deserve to be happy, Chanyeol.”

 

October 2013

 

But Chanyeol’s happiness seems not possible anytime soon. Winter is just around the corner and it’s starting to get chillier when Kyungsoo dropped the news that completely broke Chanyeol’s heart.

“Sehun and I are dating now,” Kyungsoo announces while they are having movie marathon in their apartment.

“Wow, what a way to drop the bomb, Soo,” Jongin says. “Congratulations! Finally!”

“Finally?” Jongdae asks.

“Well, yeah. Finally. Sehun has been crushing on Kyungsoo since they met and it’s only a few months ago that he got the courage to confess.” Chanyeol gulps.

He can feel Baekhyun staring at him but he’s avoiding him on purpose.

“Congratulations,” he squeaks, then forcing a huge smile.

“Thanks everyone. I just thought I’d tell you all now so you won’t be surprised when he picks me up later,” Kyungsoo says quietly.

“You should invite him to join us next time,” Chanyeol offers.

“Yeah, you really should,” Baekhyun says, still looking at Chanyeol sharply. This time, Chanyeol can’t avoid his gaze anymore. He gives him a sad smile which made Baekhyun shake his head.

The movie they were watching ended up being a blur to Chanyeol. Time seems to have sped up while he was fighting the tears and trying not to look at Kyungsoo’s direction.

Two hours later, Sehun arrives. They congratulated the couple again and Chanyeol can see they genuinely looked happy. He never noticed it before but Sehun looks at Kyungsoo like he is his whole world.

“You look at Kyungsoo just like that too, Yeol,” Baekhyun tells him later when he told him what he thinks after all their guests leave.

“Are you going to be okay?”

Chanyeol nods. “It’s okay. I should’ve expected this right? It’s always be a one-sided love story and I was never brave enough to confess so… I can’t blame my heartbreak on anyone but myself.”

 

November 2013

 

Chanyeol didn’t want to celebrate his birthday. In fact, he didn’t want to even go out of the house if not to go to his classes. But Baekhyun and Jongdae kept nagging him and he has a lot of things to do for the club. He didn’t want to burden the other members of the music department and they still had a lot to fix for their production next month.

“No birthday party. I get it. But can we at least eat outside or something?” Baekhyun says.

“No boyfriends, just the three of us,” Jongdae adds. Chanyeol laughs.

He has no problem with his friends’ happy relationships. But it’s good if it’s just the three of them. He can’t avoid Kyungsoo and Sehun because they’d be in the rehearsals too but at least they’d all be busy.

He tries not to make it obvious that he’s avoiding them. When he tried it for a day, Kyungsoo looked so confused and hurt. He can’t bear that. He’d just have to find a way to let go of his feelings and fix his broken heart without letting Kyungsoo know about it.

Chanyeol manages not to mix with the actors during the rehearsals. But just before they dispersed after the rehearsals, everyone surprised him with a birthday cake and song.

“They told us you’re not feeling festive tonight but we still have to somehow celebrate your birthday right?” Junmyeon says.

Chanyeol smiles widely, more sincerely this time, and thanks everyone. The members greet Chanyeol again one by one before they leave.

When it was Kyungsoo’s turn, Chanyeol can feel his hand shaking.

“They said you’re busy tonight so no celebration. I wasn’t able to cook for you too, but I bought you a gift?” Kyungsoo says, before handing him a small paper bag. Chanyeol takes it.

Then Kyungsoo opened his arms, gesturing for a hug and Chanyeol just can’t refuse. He hugs Kyungsoo, not too tightly, not too long – just enough to feel happy on his birthday, even just for a few seconds.

He unwraps the gift when he got home later, after a samgyupsal dinner with Baekhyun and Jongdae. It’s a small stuff toy of a yellow giraffe, a nickname that Kyungsoo calls him.

“I wanted to get you a sloth but they didn’t have it on the store. But you’re my giraffe so I guess the gift still fits. Happy birthday, Chanyeol,” Kyungsoo’s letter says.

And that moment Chanyeol realized that Kyungsoo loves him too. Maybe not in the way he wants, but Kyungsoo had always sincerely valued him too.

 

January 2014

 

The whole month of December was spent between school works, staging the latest show of the theater club, and holidays. This helped Chanyeol to feel comfortable with Kyungsoo again and to deal with his broken heart.

When the New Year rolled in, Chanyeol was feeling infinitely better. Until he remembered that last year, he confessed his feelings to Kyungsoo through a mixtape.

So this year, he didn’t plan anything for Kyungsoo anymore. It wouldn’t be right too, especially now that Kyungsoo is dating someone already.

The truth is, Sehun is a good boyfriend to Kyungsoo. They’ve only been dating for a few months, but everyone can see how much they dote on each other.

Chanyeol is happy for them. He is happy because Kyungsoo is happy. That was all he ever wanted and the last thing he’d want is to ruin that for him.

But of course, nothing goes the way Chanyeol wants.

He didn’t see Kyungsoo during his whole birthday but they exchanged a few messages after he sent his birthday greeting and that’s enough for Chanyeol. The last thing he expected was to see Kyungsoo on his doorstep at midnight.

“Kyungsoo, what are you doing here?” Chanyeol asks.

Kyungsoo did not respond. Instead, he fumbled on his bag. Then he brought out a familiar box – it was Chanyeol’s gift to him last year.

“When did you give this to me?” Kyungsoo asks.

“Uh… last year,” Chanyeol says. Kyungsoo laughs but it was a different laugh. It was sad, almost angry. It’s not Chanyeol’s favorite sound.

“Right. Last year. It can’t be today. Because that would be stupid,” Kyungsoo says, not really looking at Chanyeol. His eyes were still trained at the box. “It can’t be because that would be so cruel of you, to confess to me when I’m dating someone else already.”

Chanyeol looks at Kyungsoo, waiting for him to look at him directly.

“But this is still so cruel, Chanyeol,” Kyungsoo says, in almost a whisper. “It’s so cruel for me to hear this confession just when I stopped waiting for it already.”

Kyungsoo’s eyes are close to tears and Chanyeol doesn’t know what to do. He touched Kyungsoo’s cheeks lightly, afraid to hurt him further.

“I don’t understand…” Chanyeol begins. He feels like being rejected for the third time.

“Why didn’t you tell me you gave me this?”

“I thought you didn’t want to talk about it. You never mentioned it.”

“Because I never received it. I didn’t know you left me a gift last year. I only saw it today, mixed with a pile of gifts from other people.” Chanyeol’s eyes grew big when he realized what Kyungsoo meant.

“Why? Why would you think I won’t want to talk about it? Why didn’t you ask me and confess to me again?”

“That… it’s not important anymore, Kyungsoo.”

“I broke your heart. And yet all these time I thought you broke mine,” Kyungsoo says, and Chanyeol does hear his heart breaking again for the third time.

They stay silent for a few minutes, not moving despite the cold wind blowing around them. They settle on just looking at each other, both afraid to break the silence and make the choice that can potentially hurt them.

In the end, it’s Kyungsoo who decides for them. “I didn’t listen to it all. I’m returning it to you. I don’t want to hear the confession now,” Kyungsoo says.

Chanyeol takes the box and nods. He doesn’t know what to say anyway. “I’ll take the mixtape but I won’t take my confession back. Also, take this sketchbook. As a friend. It’s my gift for you and I won’t have any use for it.”

Kyungsoo nods, taking the sketchbook and putting it in his bag. “I’m sorry if I can’t receive your confession today, Chanyeol.”

Chanyeol smiles, and ruffles Kyungsoo’s head. “That’s ok, Soo. I didn’t mind a year ago, I still don’t mind now. I just wanted to let you know how I felt, without expecting anything in return. Too bad it’s a year too late.” Kyungsoo shakes his head again, obviously trying not to cry.

But Chanyeol knows it’s not his place to comfort him now, because his heart is breaking too.

“We’re still friends, right?” Kyungsoo asks.

“Of course,” Chanyeol says, a bit loud. “I wouldn’t have it any other way."

“Happy birthday again, Soo,” Chanyeol whispers to the wind as he watches Kyungsoo leave.

 

September 2014

 

Chanyeol thought staying friends with Kyungsoo will be difficult after the confession. But they’ve had enough history together and sincere concern for each other to let anything complicate their friendship. They don’t hang out with each other that often anymore, with their busy schedules in school and club activities. Plus Kyungsoo is still happily dating Sehun.

Chanyeol tried dating other people too. But no one managed to capture his interest for a long time. He assures Baekhyun that he’s fine whenever he experiences a falling out with the person he’s currently dating but the truth is Chanyeol is worried too. How will he ever get over Kyungsoo?

It was a Friday when Kyungsoo purposely sought Chanyeol in his school building.

“Soo? What are you doing here?”

“I… I just wanted to personally give you this,” Kyungsoo says, smiling. Chanyeol takes the envelope and when he realized that it’s an invitation to Kyungsoo’s solo exhibit, he smiled widely.

“Oh my god, Soo! This is amazing! I’m so proud of you!” he screams, pulling the younger boy in a hug. It’s been a long time since he hugged Kyungsoo, but it still feels like before – warm, comforting, just right.

“It’s not really a big deal. Just my own exhibit in the university museum. It’s my reward for topping the class. You have to come, okay?” Kyungsoo says when they let go of the hug.

“Tsk. Always so humble. It’s next weekend right? I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

 

It’s a good thing Chanyeol didn’t really miss it, not that he’s even slightly considering it. He knows how much this means to Kyungsoo. A solo exhibit is any Fine Arts student’s dream. It’s one of the things Kyungsoo first shared to him, back in the early days of their friendship.

Chanyeol spent the whole weekend feeling excited for the exhibit. He was so excited that he arrived an hour before the real opening time of the gallery. Good thing Kyungsoo was there already and ushered him in.

The last thing Chanyeol expected was to find in that exhibit the biggest surprise of his life.

All of Kyungsoo’s works are beautiful – a collection of portraits of different people. But what really surprised Chanyeol is that the biggest piece in the whole collection was a portrait of him.

He was playing his guitar and Chanyeol recognizes his clothes as what he wore during his first duet with Kyungsoo in Jongin’s sister’s café.

It was drawn from the perspective of Kyungsoo, while Chanyeol was looking at him while they were singing. “What…. I don’t understand,” Chanyeol says.

They were standing side by side, still looking at the artwork. It was meticulously done and he knows Kyungsoo worked hard for this.

“I needed a center piece and my professor suggested I draw a person from the most memorable moment of my life. I had a lot to choose from but this memory always stands out from the rest. The way you looked at me while I was singing, I just can’t forget it.”

“Is… Sehun okay with this?”

“I started this artwork three months ago. But before I started creating it, I broke up with Sehun first. I can’t draw you and draw my feelings for you while I’m still dating someone else. So I told him what I honestly felt and you know what he told me?”

“What?”

“That if it’s because of you, then he concedes. He says he loves me a lot and there is only one person who can probably love me more than him, and that’s you.”

Chanyeol reached out for Kyungsoo’s hand.

“I didn’t that brat has that mature side in him,” he says.

Kyungsoo laughed and it’s still Chanyeol’s most favorite sound. “Sehun’s really sweet. Too bad I was already in love with you when I met him.” Chanyeol squeezed Kyungsoo’s hand.

“I love you too,” he says. Kyungsoo laughed then pulled Chanyeol into a hug. Chanyeol lightly kissed the top of his head.

“I can’t believe I said the L word first,” Kyungsoo mumbles on his chest. “You still owe me a proper confession.”

Chanyeol chuckles. “I’ll make it up to you,” he promises.

 

September 2016

 

Chanyeol missed this café a lot. After he graduated last year, he wasn’t able to visit again. Still, he feels proud because now the café is owned and managed by his two best friends.

“I’m glad you were able to make time for us,” Jongin says. He’s wearing the barista apron and still looks the same as when Chanyeol first saw him more than five years ago.

“Baekhyun will kill me if I don’t come,” Chanyeol replies. “Kyungsoo will be arriving soon. He left the school the same time I left the office.”

“I hope his students didn’t give him a hard time today. We can’t have a grumpy Soo in our opening day.”

“You’re even grumpier than me, what are you complaining about Kim Jongin?” a voice suddenly says from behind them.

“Besides, I had a great day today. The kids all loved my lesson.”

“I still can’t wrap my head on the idea of you as a History high school teacher,” Jongin says, laughing.

“It’s still infinitely more predictable than Jongdae going to medical school,” Chanyeol says with a shrug.

They were interrupted by Baekhyun who suddenly appeared and pulled Kyungsoo and Chanyeol’s hands.

“How much do you love us?” Baekhyun asks, glancing at both of them.

“Uh…a lot?” Chanyeol hesitantly answers.

“Then will you please do us a huge favor and get up on that stage and sing at least one for us?” he begs. “It’s the only way we can demonstrate how the open mic feature of the café works.”

Chanyeol meets Kyungsoo’s eyes who smile at him in return and does a small nod.

“What should we sing?” Kyungsoo asks while Chanyeol checks the guitar on stage.

Chanyeol smiles, then strums the guitar.

Kyungsoo smiles too when he recognized the song.

Hello angel

You’re like a painting

You’re all I see

When I look at the skies

 

City street lights,

Even if the lights go out

And the moon disappears

It’s bright because I have a star

That fell from the skies

And it’s you~

 

END


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